Krystle, how do you single?

In this conversation, Tricia Blosser and her guest Krystle Forrest explore the multifaceted experience of being single, discussing daily routines, creative pursuits, and the importance of fostering connections. They delve into the challenges of loneliness, the weight of societal expectations, and the joys of independence. Krystle shares her insights on navigating these experiences, emphasizing the value of creativity and community in enhancing one's life as a single person.

If you'd like to see some of Krystle's art, you can follow her on Instagram @artintheforrest https://www.instagram.com/artintheforrest/

Chapters

• 0:00 Intro
• 3:07 Navigating Singleness and Contentment
• 5:53 Daily Life and Creative Pursuits
• 9:05 Building Connections Through Nature
• 12:19 Coping with Loneliness
• 13:34 The Ups and Downs of Being Single
• 16:57 Reflections on Past Struggles
• 18:37 Finding Joy in Creativity
• 21:13 Parting Thoughts

Transcript

Tricia Blosser (00:00)
Hello and welcome friend. My name is Tricia and I recently ended my marriage of 18 years. As a newly single, middle aged person in a small Midwestern community, I found myself adrift, unsure of what to do with all the time and energy now much more freely available to me. And these questions kept popping into the back of my mind whenever I was conversing with friends and family. But what they all boiled down to is this: how do you single?

So I decided to start asking people to share the gems of wisdom they've gained along their journeys.

*music*

Tricia Blosser (00:36)
My guest today is Krystle a beautiful, kind and generous person inside and out. She's a Californian, has 8.5 dogs, and I have never known her to turn down an adventure, whether it's hiking into canyons or mountain tops or ⁓ asking a person she just met at a music festival if she wants to ride to California with her. That was me.) I'm so grateful for her and excited to hear what she has to share.
So let's get to it.

Tricia (01:08)
All right, so this is super exciting. I've got my friend Krystle here. Krystle and I met, oh, I don't know, 2003-ish, so 20, 22-ish years ago, something. Something like that.

Krystle (01:20)
Something like that.
We're too old to remember dates.

Tricia (01:24)
Yes, yeah, we're at that stage where we have to start throwing out years because there's like a lot of math like calculations that have to be done, but like we met at Cornerstone. You were like an adorable sparkly goth punk person.

Krystle (01:42)
I forget that I was ever like goth punk whatever until people send me pictures

Tricia (01:46)
You were an adorable goth sparkle punk from the desert and I was a hippie punk goth person from the Midwetht? West?

Krystle (01:55)
Yeah, you were granola before Granola was that kind of term. It was, you were adorable. Oh my

Tricia (02:02)
I mean, we're all, we're all Granola now, baby.

Krystle (02:05)
I'm shooting for Pioneer. ⁓ That's my new goal. Yes.

Tricia (02:07)
Yes, pioneer chic.

Okay, I love that. Okay, Krystle, could you please tell us about yourself, your background, your history, your hobbies, whatever you feel like sharing, but especially what pertains to your singleness. Yeah, I know.

Krystle (02:18)
⁓ There's too much... Oh, my singleness. there's a lot of that. I feel like there's been, sections of dating, very small sections of relationships, but a lot of singleness. And one of the biggest things I noticed now lately is that it's different. Like where I was in my twenties and thirties was like this desperation for the Disney princess lifestyle and what Hollywood showed you and you need a house and a husband and kids. And now I'm kind of at the point where I'm like, I'm happy. 

Like I don't have that and I'm content to not having that. And I actually have friends around me who don't have that and are also content and also long-term friends with it who are happy and connect with husband and kids. So...

Tricia (03:03)
Lovely. Cool, yeah, it's a little bit of everything, isn't it? Yeah, really, we are sold that. It's just the thing to expect in your 20s that it's just like you're gonna find somebody and it's gonna be a thing and they're your person and blah-bitty-blah. And life just doesn't really tend to work out that way for most people, I've noticed. Yeah.

Krystle (03:28)
Yeah, it's not what Hollywood has sold us.

Tricia (03:32)
It is not. Okay, so my next question. What is your average sort of workday like? Your like morning routine or your through the day-ish stuffs, rituals?

Krystle (03:40)
So my lifestyle is very different. I'm more happy based than money based. So my work, like it means I'm broke all the time, but I'm very happy and content. And I'm able to sustain my lifestyle with what I do. 

Tricia (03:48)
Love that.

Krystle (04:01)
And so right now, like this past week, I've been putting a lot of effort into like progressing on a build. I'm building a container home. And so I've been, yeah, it's so much fun. I've learned how to weld and like, cut metal for a doorway and install windows and flooring. And I mean, I've always been able to paint, like just different things. and it's kind of awesome.

Tricia (04:09)
Cool.

Krystle (04:24)
But yes, my week has been working on that. And like kind of, we have a lot of nature out here. We got some baby ravens. So it's been a little bit like checking on them, taking care of that stuff. And yeah. And then next week I'll start working and then I'll have a like, I think a week off. And then I think I'm working for like almost a month straight, but it's, it's super chill.

Tricia (04:25)
That is amazing.

Krystle (04:47)
So yeah, it's a weird way to do it. I say I'm a gypsy kind of like traveler, I guess. Yeah.

Tricia (04:52)
Yeah. Mm That checks out. That checks out. I love that. So like it really varies from day to day sort of month to month kind of thing? But as long as you can be busy and like have time for what you enjoy, is that sort of ??

Krystle (05:03)
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, I try to be busy. There's always something to do. Like yesterday I worked my like regular job, but it's like it's not it's like a couple times a month. And then my other jobs are all over the place. I I recently realized like I knew back in the day I used to volunteer my time a lot. But when you're just helping people, it's not like on paper volunteer work. It's hard to

Tricia (05:35)
Mmm.

Krystle (05:35)
what you're doing and then I started looking like, this past few weeks, I've volunteered a lot of time and a lot of energy and I just, because I enjoy it, I enjoy helping people, I recognize that that's what I'm doing. If I got paid for the jobs I did, I would have so much money, but it's volunteer.

Tricia (05:53)
Right? Yup. Okay. Yup. I getcha. So what is an average sort of non-workday for you? Like when you don't have work to do, what do you do to, yeah, occupy yourself and...

Krystle (06:05)
Way too much social media. That is one that sucks, but it's, you know, the new alcohol of our age, I guess. And working on projects. And I spend a lot of time with my family. My nephew is two going on three. So I spend time with him. Like, he's amazing. And yeah, I just I am around my family a lot and I work on art when I can.

Tricia (06:15)
Mm-hmm.

Krystle (06:33)
like mentally when I have the mental capacity to do that. And you know, like I try and spend time in nature and just checking in on friends a lot. I think it's like because I'm single, I have the ability to do that and I like to help people. So yeah, that's a big part of what I do with my time.

Tricia (06:37)
Mm-hmm. You said, like, projects and, like, creative things. Like, what sort of projects and creative things do you like to do?

Krystle (07:01)
Mainly painting. I've been trying to step out of my comfort zone a little bit and I put a few pieces in a few different art walks and have just been trying to connect with the art community. yeah, mainly painting. Yeah.

Tricia (07:14)
I like that. ⁓
Okay. My next question is, in what ways, and you kind of began to touch on this already, in what ways do you seek and foster connection? So you were talking about like reaching out to friends and things like that. What, how do you do that? What does it look like?

Krystle (07:31)
Part of it, because I get lonely easily, being around my family, you know, like if I'm home, cause I'm on the same property as them. If they're home too, like I'll go and hang out with them, have a meal with them. But I also hike with, groups. Like I like hiking alone, but I hike with groups to kind of keep that connection going. And then I grow friendships from there where I keep in contact with them and

Krystle (07:54)
branch out to other hikes, camping trips. I started doing trail maintenance and that has been incredible. Some groups are, they're cool. They're great. And it's definitely a community you get to know, but there are some groups I've met that it's, it feels more like a family. Like they're just more on the dating side of that, like I have exes that I'm still friends with.

Tricia (08:07)
Mm-hmm.

Krystle (08:17)
And they've been friends that I can hang out with or call. Yeah, so that also definitely helps.

Tricia (08:25)
Yeah, being able to still have that friendly relationship... You said trail maintenance. So you're doing hikes sometimes on your own and sometimes with these groups and friends and things like that. Is the trail maintenance a group thing or is that a volunteer thing or how does that work?

Krystle (08:30)
Yeah. It's, I volunteer with groups who do it and we go out and some of the more intense ones, which are my favorite, I go camping with a group. We will hike like, I think it was like five miles and then we set up camp and then we hike another mile and a half and we work for a good handful of hours. We hike back down. We have tacos.

Tricia (09:03)
Mm.

Krystle (09:05)
We get up the next day, we hike another mile or so, do more work, hike the mile out, pack up camp, and then hike back So yeah, you're dead. You're dead by the end, but it is amazing.

Tricia (09:12)
Really cool! Yeah, uh-huh. Yeah, that seems like it would take some muscle, some endurance, energy. Yeah, I really like that idea of a hiking group and also being able to like sort of better the trails and things like that together. ⁓ 

Krystle (09:34)
Yeah, it's fun to get back together.

Tricia (09:40)
So on the converse side of the connection, when the loneliness hits (and it hits for everybody, right? Like we know like people in relationships get lonely, everybody gets lonely.) When the loneliness hits for you, what are your sort of like go-to thoughts, mantras, activities? How do you treat yourself?

Krystle (09:40)
First it's usually not very kind, like, "Why are you so lonely?" Like, "this is stupid." "You have people around you, like, you should be happy right now." Like, that goes through my head a little bit. And then, like, sometimes I end up just looking at social media, like, there's gonna be someone to talk to. There's gonna be, like, connection and it's this, like, it feels like a lie. It feels like...

Tricia (10:15)
Right.

Krystle (10:20)
eating, not even popcorn, like eating air to fill yourself up. it's like eating ice to be full and yeah, or even to gain weight, like you're sure it's gonna help and it's not helping, but for that few seconds, it feels like it is. Those are the ways, but then sometimes I'm like, okay, you have this time right now, like go work on your art.

Tricia (10:25)
Mm-hmm.

Krystle (10:46)
do something beneficial or go to a store and go buy like something. So, yeah. So, I remember when I was out there visiting, when I like rented a house and I was staying out in Indiana for a little bit and

Tricia (10:54)
Yeah, have a human connection, whether it's a person that you know or not. Hello, grocery store employee. How are you doing?

Krystle (11:12)
There was one day I'm in this big house alone and I'm just getting lonely and there's no one in the house and there's no one around. Like, I don't know the neighbors at this point. And so I go for a walk and I go to a store and I walk out there just being like, that was my only like human interaction. And the clerk didn't even talk to me. And I was like ! And then I was just feeling sorry for myself because like the next day, like I hung out with people. Everyone in town was friendly. Like it was just a moment. But yeah, it was big

Tricia (11:43)
Yeah, we all have those moments and it's just like how to get through them and it's like, you know it won't last forever. But in that time, it feels like it just drags...

Krystle (11:53)
Yeah. And the one thing I took from that though, was that when I'm out and I see people like trying to give them a little bit of my time smiling, saying hi, because they might be in that position

Tricia (12:07)
Yeah, like being that person when you can for others, because you know what it's like and yeah. I have experienced that recently. My brother.

Krystle (12:13)
Exactly.

Tricia (12:19)
My brother got me into watching the Pacers because they're doing pretty well right now and you know, like we're Hoosiers, right? And even though I've never been a sports ball person before, you know, Andy was here a couple of weeks ago and he was wanting to watch the game. So we went out and watched the game and I was like, this is kind of fun. Cheering for the team, with all the other people in town cheering for the team. And we had a really good time. So I went out
you know, they're in the the finals or the playoffs or the championship or whatever it's called and we went out the other night and there's this, you know, guy at the bar and I was just like, oh guy at the bar is trying to chat me up. But like my mom came and watched the game with me and he was chatting up my mom? And I was like, I think this dude is just very lonely. So after mom left, I was just like, so where are you from? You know, and like, we had quite a long conversation, which was a little bit one-sided because I was trying to watch the game, but it was just like I'm trying to be that person because I know what it's like. I've been on that side! So, yeah, let's have a conversation about, you know, Mississippi. Anyway...

Krystle (13:26)
Yeah

Tricia (13:35)
Moving from that, what are the worst parts of being single for you?

Krystle (13:39)
It really is the loneliness. It used to be the loneliness with that expectation of everyone finds love, every Hallmark movie ends with them together. So I should be expecting that. And when I kind of accepted that, like, I'm single and I just am single and whatever happens beyond that is just, you know.

It just is. It got a lot easier, but that expectation of, know, do I want kids? Do I want a husband? Do I want a house and be like settled down? And I go back and forth with all of it. And ultimately there's that desire to have a companion who wants to be around you, who makes you feel like a better person, who helps you grow.

Tricia (14:16)
Mm-hmm.

Krystle (14:25)
Like we want all those things, but I don't know. Like that is very difficult, but also making peace with it makes it a lot easier.

Tricia (14:37)
Yeah, the weight of expectation, you said, like, for sure. Like, the weight of it. It's heavy. It's like there's loneliness and then there's that like expectation and it's just like, you could drown in that sometimes. So, yeah. On the opposite, on the flip side, what are the best parts of being single for you?

Krystle (14:40)
Yeah.
Gosh, not having to put up with another person, doing my own things, free time. I well my friend was like, um, she's single and she's happy and she kind of dropped everything. Essentially this was all, this was her plan, but essentially dropped everything and got a job, 10 hours away and it's a dream job. so

Tricia (15:19)
Aw. ⁓

Krystle (15:21)
It's incredible. She's exactly where she's supposed to be and it's beautiful. But she's like, I'm going to go up slowly and we'll do this. We'll go out to the middle of nowhere, camp, things like that. I'll meet up with her all the time. so I was just like, cool. Uh, you're going to be where or where are you today type of thing. And I parked in the car and I left and I went and stayed with I was like, okay, I'll stay for, you know, X amount of days, but it's kind of open ended. We could
leave at any time or we could stay longer. and I know like other people don't have that opportunity. If you have like a whole family, if people are waiting for you, I can just do that. I could pack up my car right now, work it around my work schedule and go and camp for like days. And I do. So it's great. Also going to a lot of amazing.

Tricia (16:03)
That's amazing. That's amazing. You are living the dream.

Krystle (16:09)
Going out with friends and family recently when they're just like, annoyed with their partners where I'm just like, huh! I don't have to deal with that.

Tricia (16:17)
Yep. Yep, no problem. I love that. Yeah, like that, freedom, flexibility, being able to have that independence of just like I can go and. Only yes. OK, amazing. I love that. OK, we're going to put on our imagination hats.

Krystle (16:26)
being responsible for only myself.

Tricia (16:36)
So just if you were to imagine for a few minutes, you were given the chance to go back in time and visit yourself in some of the hardest, darkest times, whether they were, you know, within a relationship or not in a relationship. Can you tell us, well, first tell us about the time and then tell us what you would like to share with your past self.

Krystle (16:58)
That's hard. cause I don't really know. I don't feel like I have regrets. Things that happened. that were really hard were like beyond my control and things that were in my control that could have walked away. feel like I've learned from. it's like, I wouldn't want to give anything away to my past self. The biggest thing lately I'll think about is like when I was little and you know, you think, like

Tricia (17:13)
Mmm.

Krystle (17:18)
I can't do that because I'm not an adult or, you know, when I'm an adult, I can do that. And I'm like eating ice cream for dinner, just thinking like, this is who I was excited to be. Like, this is the person. Also knowing out into art, which is like a dream thing for me and going on adventures and doing what I want. knowing that was coming when I like in my past,

I don't think it would have changed anything, but like, I think being on this side, looking back, it's kind of cool. Like telling myself the future is going to be good and you're going to have this or that. I think the weight was too heavy of whatever I was going through for that to even, for me to even accept it. But looking back and seeing where I was and where I'm now, and I'm kind of more that person I had dreamed about being. That to me was like.

Tricia (17:54)
Yep.

Krystle (18:05)
That's awesome. I'm happy.

Tricia (18:07)
Yeah, yay, that's really cool. I like that a lot. Are there any thoughts, tips, favorite activities that you'd like to share with our single listeners?

Krystle (18:16)
Yeah, find what you like to do and do it. It helps keep the loneliness away. It helps keep to keep expectations down too, because you're doing what you love and then your expectations, like what you want and hope for changes. And also just, I feel like in your twenties and thirties that desperation to find someone is just there. So just, you know, do what you can to make yourself happy for yourself because that expectation and desperation is gonna be there, but it will get better. it lessens and lightens and you can be content with yourself.

Tricia (18:51)
Yeah. Mm-hmm. One of the things that I heard you saying here was about leaning into the creativity and the art and things like that. I wonder do you feel like you're like that's part of it too? Like that's part of leaning into the finding what you love is through creating.

Krystle (19:11)
I think, yeah. I think in most things that someone has a passion for, there's some kind of creativity, I guess. If it's baking or writing or even math, like if you're super math, like it's still a creativity. So anything and everything that is a passion seems to have some kind of creativity to it. And think that's just the stamp of who we are on something we like, enjoy. but you don't have to feel like you're being creative. You just have to do what kind of brings you joy.

Tricia (19:40)
Yeah, I like that. Oh, Krystle. Thank you so much. this is very helpful for me. Um, I am a little bit in the place of like finally leaning into figuring out what it is that I like and what it is that I want to do. But there were several weeks there that were just massively like, what do I do? What do I do? Aah!!
You know, just like don't know what to do. Can I help with this thing? Like you were talking about, you were talking about volunteering and I'm like, that is me. I've done so much volunteering because I'm just like, I don't know what to do with myself. I have too much energy and time now.

Krystle (20:15)
When I had a breakup that really kind of shook me, that was one thing I learned. I just, I was talking to someone, I was like, you need help? Like very excited, like I'll help you. And it gave me an outlet to do something other than sit and think about my sadness. I was able to help someone that definitely lightened my spirit, but it gave me that human connection that I was craving. And yeah.

Tricia (20:37)
Yes. Yes, I really like that.

Krystle (20:45)
So volunteering is so freaking everything. 

Tricia (20:48)
Two thumbs up. Amazing. Yay. Krystle, thank you so much for talking with us today and sharing your insights and connecting. I really deeply value you and appreciate you and looking forward to hanging out with you in the future. Hopefully in person even. Okay, I'll talk with you later. Thanks so much.

Krystle (21:04)
Yay! Yay!

Okay, bye.

Tricia Blosser (21:14)
I hope that you were able to glean some gems from our conversation and will join me next time for a new guest.! Please like and subscribe to hear more share with friends far and wide and feel free to text me with questions or any thoughts you had. I'm grateful for you and look forward to connecting sending lots of love your way! 

If you liked what you heard today and are interested in expanding your perspective on living solo. I highly recommend the solo podcast by Dr. Peter McGraw. 

"How do you single?" is produced, edited, and designed by me, Tricia Blosser, Special thanks to my guest, Krystle Forrest.